Toby Whittington

My Personal Journey, Finding Self-Love

I was raised by a second wave feminist mother and was always encouraged to lean into my emotions and express my feelings. I was introduced to the concept of self-love as a teenager when she received a copy of Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. At this time in my life I felt very different from my peers, I felt like something was missing in my brain, yet I never knew what it was. I put it down to puberty and tried to shake it off, yet it never really shifted. As an adult I was not confident, I masked with outgoing behaviour and disguised myself with smoking and alcohol dependance. I had relationships where things weren’t properly communicated, I avoided difficult decisions and I bit my nails, suffice to say I really didn’t love myself.

Over the years I sought out and soaked up teachings including somatic body work, breath work, meditation, crafting and using affirmations, and mirror work to help me grow my own self-love, though I never really applied myself when I was younger. I filed these away for future use. At the age of 32 and in my first marriage, I discovered I couldn't father children and was diagnosed with Klinefelter’s Syndrome. I learned that I was born with an extra chromosome and didn’t make my own testosterone. I was put onto testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). When I received my first shot of testosterone, that feeling, I had felt since I was 13 years old, of 'something missing’ in my brain went away and has never returned.

Going on TRT triggered the onset of an adult puberty experience, this coupled with the grief I was feeling around not being able to father children sent me into a depressive spiral which lasted a couple of years. My TRT induced puberty experience lasted 8 years. Coming out of my depression after the first 3 years, I realised I had to change my mindset, change my beliefs and change the negative thoughts I was having about myself. I knew that if I was going to survive this transition, I couldn’t rely on my past techniques of avoidance, masking and alcohol. I had to learn to accept myself, to become comfortable in my own body as it was changing, to feel content with who I was, I had to learn to really love myself. 

Drawing on the skills and techniques I have collected over the years, I dedicated myself to daily practices and was surprised by how quickly I was able to change my self beliefs, to see and feel positive results I learned the skills to create a new mindset and to grow my own self-love. Since doing this work I have made some big changes in my life. I stopped biting my nails, stopped smoking and quit drinking. In 2018 I came out as an intersex person and since then I have chosen to live my life with intention, to have the relationships I desire, to communicate honestly and upfront, to not avoid difficult decisions and to live with confidence.

I am pleased to be able to share these skills with you and invite you to work with me, to facilitate your self-love journey.

Life Experience, Career & Education.

I am a self-taught multidisciplinary creative artist, designer and social entrepreneur with a background in performance art, street theatre, haute couture and bespoke tailored fashion, social enterprise and youth work. I started my first small business in 1995 working as a street performer doing living statue characters (Humanoid Gone Mad Creative Productions). I have performed and entertained people throughout Australia and internationally in New Zealand, Indonesia, Singapore, the UK, France, on cruise ships in the South China Sea, and touring Canada.

In 2003 I established a fashion label (FORMALLYKNOWNAS Uniquely Tailored Apparel), I started out recycling formal wear with screen printing and hard stitching motifs. I taught myself to make bespoke tailored suits and haute couture dresses and sold custom made outfits to a range of private clients including commissioned work for clients in New York, Europe, and throughout Australia. I have done cat walk presentations, private showings and was involved in year-long Australian touring exhibition through NETS Victoria. I have made an outfit for one of the creative directors of Cirque du Soleil and was commissioned to make the front of house staff uniforms for the West Australian State Theatre when it opened. In 2011 I won a scholarship to study haute couture in Paris.

I cofounded a not-for-profit charity and social enterprise organisation in 2012 (Green World Revolution Ltd.), to help long-term unemployed people get out of the poverty that comes from relying on social security payments. Between 2012 and 2020 I developed numerous urban farming projects and worked with over 500 long-term unemployed people, with one-on-one mentoring, coaching, and on the job training. In 2017 I was awarded a 40Under40 Award for my work in social enterprise development and 2020 I was awarded a Westpac Social Change Fellowship. In 2021, as a response to COVID-19, I pivoted the organisation into plastic recycling and new designer product making. By 2024 I designed and launched over 10 new designer products and won an international innovation award for one of my designs.

I undertook tertiary studies for the first time in 2021 and completed a Graduate Certificate of Management (Australian Institute of Management). In 2022 I commenced an undergraduate degree in Psychology (University of Western Australia) with the intention to gain a pathway to apply for a the post-graduate master’s degree in Sexology at Curtin University. After completing 3 units in Psychology I was offered a place at Curtin, based on my unique work experience and lived experience as an Intersex person. I completed my Graduate Certificate in Sexology in November 2024.

Also in 2024 I gained experience working as a Youth Worker at the IDEAcademy, an alternative high school academy where I have honed my skills of communication, coaching, mentoring, creative thinking, and education. As well as devising and facilitating group learning programs in Six Thinking Hats and Lego Serious Play.

I am currently training with renowned Australia Sexologist, Cam Fraser, to become an internationally accredited Sacred Sexuality Coach. This 11 month training course will be completed in December 2024. 

I created my Whole Person Relationships Model and launched Whole Person Relationships at the end of 2023 and have been coaching and working with clients since early 2024.

Qualifications & Certifications

Awards, Acknowledgments & Publications

  • Westpac Social Change Fellow - 2020 award recipient.

  • 40Under40 Business News Award - 2017 award recipient

  • West Australian Ambassador for the Chromodiversity International Foundation

  • Listen to my interview with the Chromodiversity Foundation on my lived experience as an intersex person: Part 1 and Part 2

  • Read my autobiographical story about using body art as a personal rite of passage on Vocal Media

  • Read my co-authored paper: Exploring the enabling function of complexity leadership, with a theoretical/praxis-based partnership ... down on the farm (Sumner, A. & Whittington, T., 2019) - Researchgate

Explore more